Hi, Everyone!
I'f you've tolerated these messages for a while, you know that I've written about Valentine's Day before. The history of it. When the first card was created. The increasing commercialization of it. The ads whose less-than-subtle intent is to make men (for the most part) feel like they ought to go splurge on a dozen over-priced, long-stemmed red roses, fine wine and chocolates. Oh, and maybe a little something from Tiffany & Co. if it's "true love". Failure to do so is punishable by guilt.
Not at my house.
Because evidently, according to the marketing gurus, I am not a "normal" female.
First off, I prefer yellow roses to red. They were my favorite Aunt's favorite flower as well, which makes me cherish them even more. Yellow roses mean 'friendship', and I made sure that my best friend, Andrew, knew early on in our relationship that he was not only under no obligation to buy me red roses on Valentine's Day, he was actually forbidden to do so. No florists are getting rich off this girl on February 14th.
Second, I make jewelry. And I try to wear what I make. (Otherwise it's a little hypocritical, right?) So Tiffany & Co isn't making any money off this girl on February 14th, either.
So what do you get a "not quite normal" woman on Valentine's Day? Or on other "commercially-sponsored gift-giving holidays"?
Well, I'll tell you:
One Valentine's Day, I got a case of beer.
Hold on. Before all the women at the bank start to beat Andrew to death for being a totally bad husband, I confess that it was exactly what I asked for: A case of "Crimson Voodoo" from New Orleans. As the name would indicate, it is red, thus appropriate for Valentine's Day. We had visited NOLA the prior Spring, and I had this beer during our trip and I really liked it. So my sweet husband went to extraordinary lengths to get it for me. Had a case of it flown to a local store just for me. And it wasn't cheap (as beer goes). A dozen roses? Phooey. I got TWO dozen reds, and they lasted a lot longer than flowers would have. [*ML--remember sharing some of this with me??]
Of course, this did set a dangerous precedent for what constitutes "a good gift for Kim".....
One Mother's Day I got a riding lawn mower.
Ok, ok, ok... I may have asked for that, too. I do all the rider mowing, and Andrew does all the push mowing (we mow 3+ acres), and the old mower I had was on its last leg...or wheel, to be precise. So I asked for a NEW mower: A John Deere. (I may be abnormal, but clearly I appreciate quality.) Years later, I still love telling people I got a rider mower for Mother's Day and watching their reaction. Priceless. Usually followed by "You've been married HOW MANY YEARS???"
Then there was the Christmas that I got a hammer.
Now don't get your panties in a bunch on my behalf. To this day, I LOVE that hammer. I use it all the time. And, as you may have guessed, it isn't any kind of ordinary, from-the-local-ACE-hardware-store kind of hammer. Oh, no, no, no. It is a hand-made silversmithing hammer with dual chisel faces and a perfectly balanced, hand-carved bloodwood handle that fits perfectly in my palm. It weighs all of 7 oz...and price per ounce it was not inexpensive, (as hammers go).
Are you starting to agree that I'm not normal?
I've asked to go boating on my birthday, to play golf on our anniversary, and to hit the hay early on New Year's Eve so that we could get the first chair on the lift for New Year's Day. Not normal, according to the "pamper your woman with extravagant gifts, spa weekends, Tiffany blue-boxes and new-cars-with-a-bow-on-top" Mad Men.
So what if I mess with their demographic studies. Good for me!
A couple of weeks ago one of Andrew's friends commented that of the 50 or so skiers who were out in sub-zero temperatures for first tracks at 7:30am, I was one of only a couple of women. He said "Where did you find her?" Translation: "Not Normal". I feel a little guilty that I am not a trophy wife every now and then. Then I rip down Narrow Gauge--a trail at Sugarloaf that has been used for World Cup competitions and think: "Why would I want to fit that mold?"
I know there are others of you out there. Recently a customer posted on FB that she was "exuberant" about an early Valentine's Day gift: Down mittens with zipper pockets to hold hand warmers. Ok, so she's another skier, and maybe we suffer from brain freeze... Not normal. But it's good to know I'm not alone.
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.
And since I haven't made any 'overt' (think catalog pages and post-it notes that say 'I want this') abnormal gift requests, poor Andrew is probably getting a little nervous, knowing that the old fall-back for most guys of a dozen roses is not an option for him. NOT an option. (They will wilt and go to pieces while I am skiing for the next 10+days and I'd rather have a box of hand-warmers).
Even though they say there is "a lid for every pot", and Andrew clearly has found a way to put up with me for going on 30 years, I feel bad for him sometimes. Having to put up with an "abnormal" wife like me can't be all fun and games.
Until next week---Happy Valentine's Day! (Check out the "NOT NORMAL" PotW on the website!)
Well, sweetie---here's the most abnormal gift I've ever requested for Valentine's Day, and it's a HOT one. Not sure you are up for it, but ready or not....here goes:
I'd really like an acetylene torch.
I know, I know, it's short notice. And kind of scary. But totally abnormal and just what you should expect from me at this point. I have the page flagged in the jewelry supply catalog for you.
However, since we will be skiing together for 5 days and then you're waving good-bye so I can go to WA and ski with my sister, her husband and their littles, I will be perfectly happy with the following: (I've tried to make it easy)
A GOOD bottle of red wine (Go see Mike Fear at Now You're Cooking and tell him I like Pinot Noirs or Malbecs) and
some GOOD dark chocolate, bonus points for truffles. (Bath Sweet Shoppe).
Wine and Chocolate on Valentine's Day? How cliche. Confound you, conformity!
But when you really think about it--I may be abnormal, but I am female. Wine and chocolate are always a safe bet.
Kim
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